Thoughts

So, my first thought is actually a question...Why do my best thoughts come in the middle of the night?

Last night I kept waking up, thinking about blogs. I was wondering if I should start another blog to write my thoughts and keep this one just for the Ark. I must have woke up a dozen times with the same thing on my mind, I know now that the reason it keeps coming back is because it is unresolved. So I am going to resolve it right now. No, I am not starting another blog, I can put everything I want here. Only a handful of people read it anyway.

That is another thing. I think a blog is more for the person writing it than it is for the people who read it. It is like keeping a journal. You are able to sort things out in your mind. You are able to have 'closure'. So dear family, I will also be putting in some of my thoughts, my frustrations, and some of the unanswered questions that float around in my head. I keep hoping that one day there will not be enough room in my head for any 'floating' to happen but no, I never get it full enough no matter how I try. I think sometimes it is like a strainer. I put tons in but there is so much that just goes right through. This blog is going to allow me to keep all the good stuff....hopefully. :)

Yes, you all know that I am a 'forgetter'. Is that a word? Probably not, but here in hollieworld it is...So this blog will help me remember, and will give you all the thoughts just in case I do forget and then you can help me remember. Thank you in advance.

Now, let's get on with what I got on here to say. Maybe that is the problem, I think I have so MUCH to say that I don't know where to start. blah, blah, blah....poor Terry, he has to put up with this all the time. Did I tell you all how much I love you? Thanks to all of you for putting up with me.

OK. So in my babbling I think I figured out what is bugging me. I got a call the other day, the Relief Society President wants to do a focus page on me for the month of March. Now for most people it is not really a big deal. And in reality it is not really a big deal, it's not like it's the New York Times. It's a simple little life sketch. I just feel so insignificant. I read the other sketches every month, sometimes I even cry because I feel so average. What do I have to offer? I told a couple of ladies at work and they said, "Oh if only we could write it." They know me pretty well...

I am really worried about what to say. I don't have any medals, my victories didn't come with any type of recognition. I didn't do a mighty recital or write a dissertation. I don't have a diploma, I didn't study under some amazing artist or musician. I've made so many mistakes, I didn't have the 'happily ever after', I do now, but it came after a lot of heartache and trials. I don't think anyone will look at my life and say, "When I grow up I want to be her." And that is OK with me, I just don't think I want every woman in the ward to say that.

Now, don't get me wrong. I really like who I am, I have embraced my life and my journey. I like the person that all my trials helped me to become. Maybe I can say that I studied under the greatest teacher, musician, artist, and master of all. All I learned was at the footstool of my Savior. And for that I am so grateful. My trials literally forced me to rely on Him, because I had no one else. But that is so personal, I don't want everybody to know that. So here I am, back at square one. Today at 3pm I will be interviewed and I don't have a clue what to say.

I am so blessed to have such great parents who taught me all the important things. The principles of the Gospel. Who taught me to not call them every time my life caused me to stumble, who taught me to rely on the One that is really and truly always there. I am grateful for my Savior, my Best Friend. My soft place to fall and my Rock.
Have a great Valentines day! Thank you all for being my Valentines! I love you!