Bread Crumb I Highly Recommend

I am sharing this book because I believe in it. This is were I was introduced to the Bread Crumb idea. The ideas and concepts of this book will change your life.
It inspires me to try harder, to be better, and to let go of the sad parts of my past. I read it a couple of years ago and it was so therapeutic. I sent a copy to a couple of close friends and family and recommended it to everyone I met that was struggling with something in their life. Terry and I read it together. It is a GREAT read as a couple. We stopped and discussed parts of our past that we needed to heal. We laughed and we cried.
I believe that if we embrace our past we will see that all things happen for a purpose. The vital part of that is to realize that we are the ones that get to decide what the purpose is. Sometimes we are right and sometimes we are wrong. What we have to deeply believe and understand is that it is all part of a bigger picture.
God lives. He loves us in way that is impossible for us, as human beings, to understand.
He wants us to be happy. He wants us to return to live with Him again. He sent His only Begotten Son to earth to show us how to live so that we can follow His example and be saved through His infinite atonement. I know these things to be true, and knowing brings such happiness and peace, even during times of heartache and pain.
Reading this today may be a bread crumb to you. If it is then seek God, He will show you the way and help you to look back and recognize the bread crumbs in your life that have led you to where you are today. Of this I testify, in the name of Jesus Christ. Amen

Bread Crumbs: Day 2

I have been thinking a lot about what to write today. I felt so bad yesterday, like a complete failure because I hadn't recognized any bread crumbs in my day.
Today I have been thinking about where I am in my life right now...
...what brought me to this point, this journey, this day.
As I began to think back on the path that led me to today I realized that I am not at this place, at this time, in these circumstances by accident. I began to see 'bread crumbs'.
This is a learning process; an exercise of sorts. I know that I will get better at it as time goes by. I know that I will begin to see things in a different way.
Today I know that I am where I am for a reason. When Terry & I decided to move in with his Mother for a year we knew that it was the right thing to do. One day I told Terry that it is more RIGHT than we even know right now. Our time here is a breadcrumb. There was a series of events that led us here. I want to keep these posts more as bread crumbs than complete loaves of bread so I will leave it at that.
My prayer is that as I move forward I will act according to the will of my Heavenly Father. That I will be content to not have to know all of the answers right now. I must have faith in Him and trust in the journey.

Bread Crumbs: Day 1

Today was the first day of my little journey. It was not at all what I thought it to be.
I am not sure what I expected, but I have found out that I need to practice 'seeing' and 'recognizing' bread crumbs. I found myself stopping in the middle of a thought or activity to make sure that I was paying attention.
I did not have any 'ah ha' moments...so I am not sure if there were no bread crumbs or if I am just so out of touch.
That is my report for today.

My Bread Crumb Journey

 

I am trying a 30 day experiment and I am calling it "My Bread Crumb Journey".

Starting tomorrow I will record the little bread crumb moments in my day to day life.

I believe that the Lord's hand is in our lives, I believe that He is working His miracles;

guiding us ever so carefully to who it is we are to become.

Welcome to my journey.

True Healing Power

I had an interesting experience the other day that touched my heart and reminded me of just how far the power of the Atonement of Jesus Christ can reach.

I pray everyday to have opportunities to 'feel' something special; something unique. Some days those prayers are answered, some days they are not. But on one special day a couple of weeks ago this happened:

I was talking on the phone at work with one of our clients. I knew a little about her story because the Agent in the office shared it with me. But I had never talked about it with her, Desi (name was changed).

Desi had asked me to review her policies to make sure she had sufficient coverage in case of an accident. I went through all of them with her, she apologized for taking up so much of my time and then said, "I am not sure if you know my story, why I am so worried about how much coverage I have."

...(by the way...she has a Four Million dollar umbrella coverage over all of her policies)...

She went on to tell me that several years ago she was in an accident, these are her words:

"It was on a winter night, it was very dark and the roads were covered with ice and snow. I was going about 5 miles and hour, it was hard to see and there was quite a bit of traffic. I was slowing down to turn into a local shopping center, as I turned the corner I hit something...Hollie, it was a person. I just barely tapped him with my side mirror. I jumped out of my car and asked him if he was ok. He said he was but I could tell that he was a little shaken up so we called the police and an ambulance to get him to the doctor to make sure he was alright. I was terrified! I followed the ambulance to the hospital and stayed to make sure he was going to be ok. I was relieved, but had a nagging feeling. I couldn't eat or sleep, and for three days I called the hospital to see how he was doing. The first day I called the nurse told me that he was fine, he was resting. The second day I called the nurse said that his family was in the room with him and they were all having a wonderful time, he was doing well. The third day I called the nurse paused...and after a few seconds; which felt like hours, she said, "He died this morning." Hollie, I didn't know what to do. My whole world went black. How could I live with what I had done."

I have known Desi for a couple of years. She is in her 60's, she has beautiful white hair and has the heart of an Angel. Rarely does one meet someone with a 'pure heart', but she is one of those precious souls. She is always kind and cheerful. Always smiling, always serving.

I asked her, "How do you survive something like that?"

She responded, "Hollie, are you LDS?" I told her that I am. Then she said, "It was ONLY through the power of the Atonement that I was healed. For weeks I wanted to die. I just couldn't get passed what I had done...Hollie, I took someone's life...I deserved to die. Then one day I knew that I couldn't do it anymore, I knew that it was too heavy of a burden to carry on my own. I turned it over, I allowed the Atonement to work in my life, I allowed the Atonement to heal me. My Savior gave His life for all of my sins, my sorrows, my mistakes and heartaches...oh Hollie, so many people think that the Atonement is only for sinners; people who intentionally hurt other people...but Hollie, the Atonement reaches so much farther than that. It heals the victims, it heals the broken hearted. It makes broken things whole. I am who I am today because of what I have learned."

My heart was so touched, I said to Desi, "Thank you so much for sharing your story with me, thank you for sharing something so personal."

She apologized for keeping me on the phone so long, for taking me away from my real work. I reassured her that it was my pleasure to spend time on the phone and thanked her again for telling me her story.

What a precious gift she shared with me that day. I will never forget her tender voice and sweet spirit.

I too, know that the Atonement is real, I too, know that it reaches far beyond sin. I know it is real because I have also felt the miracle of the true healing power that can only come from the True Healer, my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ.

My Conversion Story

My conversion to the Gospel began at such an early age, in fact I can't ever remember a day when I didn't believe in The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.
My earliest memory of feeling the Spirit was when I was a little girl. We lived in Nibley, Utah. I was asked to speak in a large meeting. As I stood at the pulpit and looked out over the congregation I felt something I had never felt before. I could see the gentle face of my Mother looking up at me. Her face gave me the courage I needed to go on. It was right after I got baptized and I'm sure my talk was on baptism and what it meant to me to receive the gift of the Holy Ghost. I do not remember what I said, but I remember how I felt.
It was one of those feelings that stays forever. One of those feelings that you can't deny.
I don't think I understood what I felt at that time. In fact so often the feelings we receive can sometimes be waved away as 'fear'. But I have been afraid before and the feeling is different. Fear makes me feel unsafe. The spirit that I felt that day made me feel safe. I felt encircled by warmth.

The next time I felt the Spirit was in Sunday School. I must have been a Freshman in High School.
We lived in Florence, Arizona at the time and our meetinghouse was a little white house that was turned into a church. I do not know who my Sunday School teacher was. I prided myself on being the class clown and rarely paid attention to the lesson, but this one Sunday changed me. As he taught I began my routine of asking stupid questions. As he answered my questions it was like a light switch was turned on inside of me. I really wanted to learn! I will NEVER forget how I felt that day. It was the same feeling I got before...I felt safe, encircled by warmth.

Not long after I started paying attention in Sunday school I was sitting in a Testimony meeting. As I listened to other people bear their testimonies I felt that feeling again. One moment I was sitting in my chair and the next moment I was standing, all eyes were on me, I bore my testimony for the very first time. Of course I don't remember what I said, but I will never forget how I felt.

Probably the next time I felt that spirit was after I finished reading The Book of Mormon for the first time. We lived in Jerome, Idaho. Ben was on his mission and because I missed him so much I decided I would teach myself the gospel so I could experience just a little of what he was experiencing on his mission. I read the entire Book of Mormon for the first time. I felt like I really didn't need to ask Heavenly Father if it was true because I already believed that it was, but I didn't want to rob myself of the experience of receiving conformation from Heavenly Father of the truthfulness of the book. So I took the Moroni's challenge and asked Heavenly Father if the book was true, if it really was an ancient book that was translated by Joseph Smith. I received the same unmistakable confirmation from the spirit.

As I matured so did the feelings that I received from the Holy Ghost. The once small feelings began to grow, to burn into my soul. Soon my testimony was written on the fleshy tables of my heart. There was no turning back, there was only moving forward. I knew, and Heavenly Father knew that I knew and I couldn't deny it.

Over the years I have received so many confirmations from the spirit that it would be impossible to count them all.

My conversion story is not like a light coming on in a dark room.

My story is like a sunrise. Before the sun peeks over the horizon there is a calm. A peace that you can almost reach out and touch. As the seconds and minutes tick away, ever so slowly the sun begins to light up the night sky. The rays reach out and pierce the darkness. The shadows begin to fade away and things that were once difficult to see are brought into the light. The sun soon forces the darkness to leave. Fear is gone, it is replaced by Peace.

We all have a conversion story. Not two stories are the same. It is so important to figure out how God speaks to us. He speaks to each of us differently. I am grateful that at a young age I had a desire to know how He speaks to me.

Onions

So I have this special relationship with onions.
When the kids were little and I was married to Bob I used tons of onions. I would buy them in the little mesh bags because I used them so often.
Now, I still love onions, but we don't use them as much.
I don't cook as much and when I do I seldom use a whole onion.
Lately I have been buying them in the 'onesies'...
but have you seen the size of those onions?
You can't find a small one in the 'onesies', you have to buy a great big one..
and I will never use all of a great big one.
So, I usually cut it up and put it in the refrigerator...
one of two things happen...
...it stinks up the fridge so bad that I can't stand it so I throw it out...
or..
...it stays in the fridge so long that by the time I get it out to use it it is covered with mold.
So, a couple of weeks ago I decided to just buy a mess bag. The small, little onions that are just the right size for Terry and I...
So, GUESS WHAT I HAVE GROWING ON MY KITCHEN COUNTER?

Yup, green onions..

I give up..

:)

Marshaling

Last weekend Terry and I went to the Simplot games.
Those of you that don't know, it is a track meet, for high school athletes.
It has been held for the last 34 years, every February in Pocatello Idaho.
There are kids that come to the meet from all over the US and from Canada.
Terry and I sit in almost the same seats every year and watch as the games unfold. We love getting away in the middle of the winter and we have so much fun!!
This year I was watching for that special something, the thing that I take home from the games that has inspired me.
I love to look for inspiring things! I think they are all around us, but most of the time we are too busy or maybe too stupid to notice them.

Yes, I said stupid...

This year I was inspired by the marshaling area.
This is the place where all the athletes go to check in and prepare themselves for their race. They take off all their extra sweatsuits, ipods, jewelry, etc...
They put all of their things in a crate that is taken to the meeting place after the race so they can reclaim them.
They receive all of their instructions and make their final preparations for the race.
When they step on the track all they have with them is what they have chosen to wear.
I was impressed as I watched all of those kids.
Some of them took the warm-up time seriously, while others just kinda wandered around and visited.
Can you just imagine what was going on inside their heads? All the preparation, all the advice of coaches, friends, and parents. But when they step on that track it is just them.

No one can run that race for them.

So, this makes me think about life. All the time we spent studying, preparing for this life. And when we get here....

No one can run that race for us.

I am grateful for the ones who came before me. Who can teach me because they understand what it is like to run the race. They know what it feels like to fall down, to be completely out of breath. To sometimes give a shoulder to lean on or to cry on.

Most importantly I am grateful for my Savior, who understands everything completely, perfectly. I am grateful that He prepared Himself for His race and then He ran it with perfect integrity. Never a better example, teacher or friend.

Each day we choose to get on that track, to run that race. Let's not be bogged down by the things we don't need, the things we can leave in the marshaling area.

Make it a good week, a good race. I love you all!

Through His eyes

I have been reading a book by Virginia H. Pearce.
(President Hinckley's daughter), the title of the book is, "Through His Eyes, Rethinking What You Believe about Yourself".
On the cover is a picture of an oyster shell, and in the shell is the most beautiful pearl. That reminds me of a poem that I love...

Author: Unknown
There once was an oyster
Whose story I tell,
Who found that some sand
Had got into his shell.
It was only a grain,
But it gave him great pain.
For oysters have feelings
Although they’re so plain.

Now, did he berate
The harsh working of fate
That had brought him
To such a deplorable state?
Did he curse at the government,
Cry for election,
And claim that the sea should
Have given him protection?

No – he sad to himself
As he lay on a shell,
Since I cannot remove it,
I shall try to improve it.
Now the years have rolled around,
As the years always do,
And he came to his ultimate
Destiny – stew.

And the small grain of sand
That had bothered him so
Was a beautiful pearl
All richly aglow.
Now the tale has a moral;
For isn’t it grand
What an oyster can do
With a morsel of sand?

What couldn’t we do
If we’d only begin
With some of the things
That get under our skin.

So the book isn't really about oysters, or pearls, it is about how we perceive ourselves. She starts with writing about cleaning out her closet. Pulling everything out and then sifting through it all and deciding what to keep and what to throw away. She uses the closet as a metaphor for our minds, or our belief systems. We clean it all out, separate the truth from the lies and then only put the valuable stuff back in. So I did the cleaning, I found I had a lot of lies in my closet that I chose to believe about myself that just aren't true. I don't know why we hold on to the lies, it really doesn't make much sense when you think about it.
There are several things that I highlighted in the book...
I am going to share them with YOU!!!
It's like it happens in steps or line upon line...

First we evaluate our lives and really decide what we KNOW or THINK about ourselves.

"All of us carry around troublesome little pockets of small truths or lies that cause us pain. Some of them can be easily dismissed once we recognize them. However, sometimes they are so deeply embedded that we need professional support to identify and change them. There is no shame in that. In our modern society we have doctors and lawyers to help us through illnesses or problems that we lack the skills to negotiate on our own. It is the same with therapists. If your emotions are chronically debilitating, you will want to consider getting good professional help."

Second, we LEARN truths....

President Boyd K. Packer said, "True doctrine, understood, changes attitudes and behavior. The study of the doctrines of the gospel will improve behavior quicker than a study of behavior will improve behavior."

Then third we TEACH truths...

S. Michael Wilcox describes his experience with teaching truth: "Sometimes I start a class or a talk feeling my soul is as empty as a dry lake bed and I have nothing to offer, but when I rise and begin to speak, the water of truth seeps in and fills me, and I know that I know. I am strengthened by my own voice. The memory of hearing the water flowing into me stays and sustains me even in the driest periods."

"As we persevere in our efforts to find and feed Truth, over time we will become the people we were meant to be."

AND THEN MY VERY FAVORITE!!!

"We may not be completely successful in throwing away erroneous beliefs gained during childhood. But the experiences that created them can be consecrated for the welfare of our souls as we turn to the Savior and His atoning sacrifice. They will no longer hold our emotions hostage; they can actually lead us to compassion and understanding."

I love books that help me evolve. Are we ever done evolving? I don't believe we are. I think it would be a fool who would say..."Aren't you done yet?" or "Shouldn't you be over it by now?" I think there is wisdom in fixing what we can, when we can. I believe if we are becoming the best version of ourselves we must constantly search for ways to improve.

Don't ever settle with mediocre...

Be REMARKABLE!!!

I love you all.....Make it a REMARKABLE week!

I will go, I will do!

I have been thinking a lot about obedience lately.
Sometimes the things we are asked to do just don't make sense.
Have you ever had days like that when you just say to yourself...
...out loud...
when there is no one even around to hear you..
"Really?"
I have moments like that.
There are some days when I say, "Really?....Really?"
And when I am really frustrated I even say it 3 (THREE) times!!
Usually by the time I get to 3 reallys it is almost funny and I end up smiling and laughing at myself.
Life is really funny huh? (I think I just wrote REALLY about 10 times!) :)
I was thinking about the story of the man that was asked to push on a huge boulder every day for eight hours a day.
Every day he valiantly pushed on that rock. He got more and more frustrated everyday because he could not move the boulder.
One day his master came to see how he was doing. The man said, "I am so mad...I have been pushing and pushing this boulder just like you asked me to, everyday, for eight hours a day and I can't get the rock to budge!!!"
The master then said, "You are doing exactly what I asked, I asked you to push on the boulder, I never asked you to move it."
I do not know the reasons for all things...heck, I don't know the reasons for MOST things. But one thing I do know, and that is...
...sometimes we are just aren't meant to know.

We are just meant to DO.

Let us all press forward with faith. Doing the right thing just because it is the right thing to do.

I love you all!

2012 Family Focus

Hello family, and HAPPY NEW YEAR!!

We hope you are all well and that you are excited about this new year, I know we are.

As you all know we had a family project last year building our ark. The year seemed to fly by, and now it is time for a NEW project...I know, you are all on the edge of your seats in anxious anticipation of our new project. Before I go into the new plan I need to tell you how last year went.

We set goals and asked for participation. We had some of you reply, but not all...and that made us kinda sad...but, it is all about free will and choice so that’s ok.

For the most part our goals were reached and I don’t know about any of you but for me personally...I changed, I grew, I learned, and that is what I wanted to happen for me. But I did want all of you to experience that as well, but again, I can’t force you so it will just be what it is, and that has to be ok too.

One of the things I learned last year is that it takes longer than a year to build an ark. I think I just thought that all the struggles would wait for us to get finished, and they didn’t. The storms came and went all while the work was slowly going on. So, with what began as a year project has become a LIFE project. We will just change our focus every year according to the needs of our family.

So this year...2012 we are building an UMBRELLA, to go over our ark. The work has to go on and the storms of life are not going to stop coming so....we are building an umbrella. So no matter when you choose to help build our ark you will be sheltered from the storm.

Our umbrella will consist of 4 sections. Each of those four sections will contribute to the strength of our umbrella. These four things are constants that have to be maintained while all around us is going crazy. These four things will help us weather the storm. These four things are...

1. Prayer. Everyday take the time to pray. I won’t tell you where to do it or for how long. Just Pray.
2. Scriptures. Everyday take the time to read the scriptures. I won’t tell you what particular scriptures to read or for how long. Just Read.
3. Attend the Temple monthly.
4. Do home and visiting teaching monthly.

I don’t need to tell any of you that life is hard. I don’t need to tell you that sometimes things just aren’t fair. Sometimes we are our own worst enemy. But I do need to remind you that we have each other. Not one of us need to face our struggles alone.

Life is about making choices. Everyday we make hundreds of them. The hard part sometimes is to make good choices...or BETTER choices. We need to use our Agency to become better. To breathe fresh air into the lives of others instead of sucking it all out. We all have what it takes to succeed. We just need to DO IT!

The other thing that we are focusing on is FOOD. We can't just get on our ark without any food. We all need to work on getting the extra food we need, each of you in your own homes.
So, I am excited about 2012! I am thrilled about the possibilities.

Lets make it a good year!

I love you all!

Oh give me a home...

Hello family,
I am sorry I haven't blogged in so long.
My life has been so busy, I started a new job in November. I work for State Farm Insurance. I am learning so much and for the most part my brain is fried!!!
We had a wonderful Thanksgiving and a quiet, peaceful, (if not lonely) Christmas.
I have been studying for my state exam to get my license to sell insurance so all of my spare time has been dedicated to that.
I take my test on the 19th of January, I can't wait for it to be over!
It is hard to learn how to study again after so many years of NOT studying. I think my saving grace is that I have been studying Isaiah....if that doesn't fry the brain I don't know what will!! :)
I do love Isaiah, I can't wait to meet him some day...

So, since my life has been crazy I haven't taken the time to be 'inspired'.
But today I did. Today I couldn't wait to come home and share the feelings that I have felt.

Today I attended a funeral. I went because the deceased was the Father-in-Law to one of my sweet friends. I went there to show my support for her. But, today....
today,
I WAS INSPIRED...

What an amazing man. What a sweet, kind, loving, wonderful man. I could feel his spirit as his family shared stories of his quiet yet meaningful life.
He is a man I wish I would have known.

In many ways he reminded me of my dad...and of my brother Ben, all mixed up in one person.
The tears really came when his grandchildren with a fiddle, a cello, and a guitar played and sang, "You are my sunshine".
And then the medley of his favorite songs...
I can't tell you the last time I heard,
"Oh give me a home, where the buffalo roam, where the deer and the antelope play,
where seldom is heard a discouraging word, and the skies are not cloudy all day."
Even now it brings tears to my eyes. It takes me back to my childhood, to those peaceful, chilly nights around a campfire, with the people I loved most.
Then there was, "This land is my land this land is your land..."
"Take me home country roads..."

I learned so much today from the Booth family as they shared their father with me. I learned that funerals are to celebrate life and to say good-bye. It is not for the one that passed on, but for the loved ones he left behind.
I was uplifted and humbled by the pure love of Christ that this stranger taught, even after his earthly life was over.
Like Isaiah, I hope I get to meet Everett Booth one day.

I love you all, my dear family and friends.
Life is good,
I am blessed beyond my mortal understanding.

Today I stopped...A poem for my Dad

Today I Stopped

Always something to go and do,
life, at times, feels like a race.
Running here and running there,
how in the world do I keep up this pace?

Studying, praying, pondering, my blog,
a phone call, a meeting, a card, a meal,
Excercise my body, strengthen my mind,
self improvement tapes while on the treadmill.

The leaves are changing,
quick to the hills.
Tomorrow they'll be gone,
How crisp the air feels.

Where are the kids? Are they ok?
If I don't fix them then tell me who will?
If they would just listen I know they'd be fine.
Then the wisdom of ages, counsels
...be still.

BE STILL, you say, that must be a joke
If I slow down the pain will catch up,
I must move faster, never stopping to breathe
I'm thirsty but can't pause to fill my cup.

I'm getting weaker, my patience is gone,
He said He'd help, but I don't think He will.
I can't figure out what more I can do...
His answers the same...it's always,
...be still.

I just want to scream,
at the top of my lungs
"I AM BEING STILL,
WHAT ON EARTH DO YOU MEAN?"

I turn to my scriptures, what do the prophets say?
Isaiah, Isaiah please help me see, please oh please tell me how to feel.
And then the old prophet whispers from the dust,
"Your strength will come by
...sitting still."

I run to the temple, the answer must be there.
The temple that sits on top of the hill,
I walk in the chapel, I sit patiently and wait,
while the organ wills my soul to
...be still.

Slowly I started to relax and breathe
today the anchor gently I dropped.
But mostly because my Dad asked me to,
Today, with the sunrise...
...today I stopped.

Today I stopped...to feel the breeze blow,
Today I stopped...to listen to fountains flow.
Today I stopped...to pick up an acorn,
Today I stopped...and watched Moroni blow his horn.
Today I stopped...to smell a fresh cut lawn,
Today I stopped...to ponder days long gone.
Today I stopped...to feel the sun on my face.
Today I stopped...to consider His amazing grace.

Isaiah said, "In returning and rest ye shall be saved"
His words I study at great length,
and then he said, and I quote,
"In quietness and in confidence shall be your strength."

Today I promise to be more gentle to me,
Just for my Dad, calm and patient I'll be.
He asked me to STOP, to breathe in, and then out.
I even promise that I will try not to pout.
I think I'm all grown, I'm rarely too bratty,
But this little girl still needs her Daddy.

I love you Dad.

Happy

Hi to all of my cute little readers...Tiffany. :)
I just want you all to know that I am recovering and starting to feel better.
I do appreciate that I have been able to 'vent' on some of my postings and I do appreciate your patience while I became less than I should be.
My mother always taught me that it is ok to get angry, to mourn, and to cry. It is even ok to sit on your pittypot for a while.
But it is so important to pass through those moments, to keep moving through those trials because if we sit still we will become enveloped in the experience and drown.

Life is good. Happiness is earned...

...and it is so worth it!

I love you.

Make it a wonderful week.

Manure Happens

In life we have so many different types of people. It is such a wonderful blessing to be a part of this world and to experience life.
I think of some of the people who are important to me and some who aren't.
Why do we choose some of the friends we do?
Are we instantly compatible, so much alike that we practically read one another's minds?
Are we polar opposites, drawn to one another because it brings balance to our universe?
Either way we do choose.
We choose to love and to be loved.
We choose to work on relationships or just let them die because it is just too inconvenient.

We choose.

Have you ever chosen to befriend a manure person?

"What's a manure person?" you ask...

We all know these people, actually it is quite sad when you think about it...

Manure is such a natural thing, it is a part of life. It is used in so many different ways. I recently read, an article CJ wrote, about families gathering manure to use to start fires when the weather turns cold.

Manure, if used correctly can make beautiful things happen to flowers and gardens.
So, the manure itself isn't bad, it stinks, but it isn't bad.
I guess it is like everything else, it's what we choose to do with it that matters.

We all know where manure comes from,
we all know that it is stinky and gross...
we all know that if it is left alone it will get a crust on it and it will dry out.

The people I am talking about today are the ones that love to walk up to a pile of manure and kick it, just to cause a 'stink'.

Let it go...

let the dung dry up and blow away.

Or use it to make something grow, or to keep someone warm.

Don't just make a stink...!!!

Make it a wonderful week,
and let's all try not to cause a STINK!!

I love you!

Worms

I have had a very interesting week...
in fact, if I really think back it started long before just a week ago.
This week was just the finale...
the amazing musical number they save for last...
Romeo dying,
the final set of fireworks on the Forth of July...
That was this week!
I'm not sure if I should think of it as a death,

...or a birth...

probably both.

Terry and I went to St. George with our friends and had such a great time. We went to see 'The Little Mermaid' and 'Grease' at the Tuachan Amphitheater. Both shows were amazing.
We had all day Saturday to play so we decided to visit a few of the historical sites, and of course, they all had to do with church history.
We visited the Brigham Young home, the Tabernacle, the Temple Visitor Center, and the Jacob Hamblin home. I was impressed with all of the tours and all of the sweet missionaries.
The story I want to tell you is the one the Sister told at the Brigham Young home.
She shared so much information with us, and then she told us that one of her favorite stories is of the Silkworm.

On the table in Brigham's office were several little trinkets,
one was a little jar of what appeared to be cotton balls, the size of a pecan.
The sister missionary picked up the jar and began...

...The early pioneers had silkworms sent from China, the little worms are totally dependant on humans for survival. They ate non stop for several years, until they reached puberty. Then they started to molt; to turn into moths.
They began to get little horns on their backs and sorta regurgitate everything they had eaten their whole life.
What comes out of their little worm bodies is silk. A very fine film of pure white silk. The silk forms a protective shield around their now vulnerable worm body.
When the pods begin to reach maximum maturity the Pioneer women would carefully take them off the Mulberry tree and put them in the pocket of their aprons. They would carry them around until they could feel movement, indicating that the transformation was complete and the little worm was now a moth.
Then they would drop the pod into boiling water.
The boiling water would kill the moth, the moth had to be killed or it would ruin the fragile fibers, and then the woman would unravel the silk.
Most pods produce approximately a mile of silk thread.

Then the thread would become whatever the woman wanted it to be.

I was so touched by the Silkworm story...
It sums up my dressbarn experience. I couldn't have heard the story at a better time. I believe it is Heavenly Father's way of helping me understand my life a little better.

Last week I was dropped into a pot of boiling water. I had done all I could as a worm. I had been forming the pod; cocoon, for a couple of years now and Heavenly Father didn't want me to turn into a moth...
...my mission is not to be a moth...
...my mission was also NOT to be the worm...
...my mission was to create silk...

And that is exactly what I did.

I have so many meaningful relationships that were developed over years of trust, tears, laughter and service.

The moth is dead...my dressbarn life is over.
All I have is the beautiful, pure white, fragile silk...

I get to choose what it will become.

I love my life.

I love you all.

Make it a great week.

What came first, the chicken or the egg?

Hi family...
It has been a while since I have felt inspired...
I find, all the time, that I have so much more to learn. It seems that as soon as I think I have figured things out the only thing I figure out is that I need to change...evolve...humble myself.
Do you ever ask yourself why?
Why am I always the one that has to change?
Why can't the 'bad' person change and be better...
Why do I have to change and 'learn' to love them?
I DON'T WANT TO LOVE THEM!!!!!!!
Yes, we are back to that 'store manager'...
For weeks now I have been feeling as if I were getting closer and closer to a den of rattlesnakes...being drawn in because the miracle of change has happened within me, I just assumed that it had happened within her
...no.
She is still the person that I prayed to love. I had actually learned to love her...
But, a couple of days ago I found out that the only one that has changed is me.
In October, on my birthday in fact, I first met this woman...and I knew from the very first moment that we were like oil and water.
You all know from prior posts that this is a stumbling block I have continually prayed to overcome.
I didn't just walk out, or leave...I felt that my relationship with her would teach me something. Sometimes the things we learn don't bring us joy, but chalk this up to lesson learned. I know now that it is time for me to leave my job of five years and find a better path, one that will lead me where I want to go.
So today I have decided to not be 'chicken'.

And that my sweet family brings me to the message for this week.
I have been reading a book by Camille Fronk, "In the Hands of the Potter".
On pages 49-50 she records a section of the book, "Mere Christianity" by CS Lewis.

..."When He said, 'Be perfect,' He meant it. He meant that we must go in for the full treatment. It is hard; but the sort of compromise we are all hankering after is harder - in fact, it is impossible. It may be hard for an egg to turn into a bird: it would be a jolly sight harder for it to learn to fly while remaining an egg. We are like eggs at present. And you cannot go on indefinitely being just an ordinary, decent egg. We must be hatched or go bad".

I hate to admit it...
but I HAVE BEEN AN EGG...

I have been a jolly good little egg,
I have been the BEST JOLLY GOOD LITTLE EGG EVER!!!

But it is time to hatch...
before I go bad...

IT IS TIME TO FLY!!!

I AM SOOOO EXCITED!

Have a great week family...
don't be chicken...FLY!!!

Have I told you all lately that I love you?

I do.

Angel #2

Now, just to get this out of the way in the beginning...Angel #2 is NOT my second FAVORITE angel...she just came to me second.
I think now that she has a second child of her own she understands that one definitely loves the second child as much as one loves the first.
My story of Jessica Pearl began when Angel #1 was only 4 months old. I was helping on the dairy; my job was to feed the new, baby calves. I would put Tiffany in her stroller and we would go to the calf pens and feed the noisy, hungry babies.
I had been feeling kinda yucky...tired, weak, just really blah...
The owner of the dairy came up to me and said, "Are you ok? You are acting like a pregnant cow." I was still nursing Tiffany and didn't know that I was expecting my second little angel. So...surprise, surprise!
I KINDA WAS A PREGNANT COW!!!
I believed the 'old wives tale' about not getting pregnant while you are nursing...
I did! I blew that old wives tale right out of the water!
My pregnancy was perfect. I worked on the dairy...lifting, fighting with the baby calves. They loved to butt me in the tummy when I had them straddled between my legs trying to force them to take the bottle.
We traveled across the US several times, we spent Tiffany's first birthday in Virginia and then travelled back to Arizona so we could have our new baby there.
Since we only had a 'round about' date of when Jessica was due we just waited and prayed.
We moved to Cottonwood, AZ to be with my Mom and Dad. My mother paid our doctor bill with one of her oil paintings, one the doctor had wanted for some time. A couple of years ago Jessica called the doctor to see if she could buy the painting from him and he said no...he loves that painting...
I was getting very LARGE, and it was a HOT, looonnng Arizona summer.
On a Friday afternoon Mike and Becky came into town, we went to Pizza Hut for a late lunch. I almost tripped over a big rock because I could not see anything past my huge belly.
I started to have contractions so I called my doctor...he advised me to come in so he could check me before the office closed for the weekend..
Oh, did I mention that it was LABOR day weekend?
How ironic!
I was dilated to a 5, (I think).
He said, "I will meet you at the hospital."
Two and a half hours after checking me into the hospital Jessica came with a vengeance! Which is perfect for who she is!
We didn't have time to do anything for the pain...her daddy and big sister almost missed the whole thing. My mother was right beside me holding my hand and coaching me through my only completely NATURAL birth. I was told that people in the halls could hear me screaming and that my Dad turned white with worry.
Then she came! She was big, and appeared to be full grown. My mother took her and weighed her...10 POUNDS...ARE YOU KIDDING ME!!??
We stayed in the hospital a mere 24 hours and home we went.
Jessica was hungry allll the time!
Years have passed and many stories could be told but today I want to record my overall impression and feelings about this precious angel.
If I could only use one word to describe Jessica it would be...
WARRIOR
She is the single most resilient person that I know. She has endured so much in her short life.
She is an inspiration to me!
See too, is one of my heroes!
How one little person can go through so much adversity and still be so positive and happy.
I am grateful that Heavenly Father sent her to me and that I have the amazing opportunity to be her mother.
She is a wonderful mother and it is so fun to watch her take care of her little babies.
I love you Jessica.
29 years ago Heavenly Father sent me an angel.

Olivia Grace

Friday, August 19th, we received an angel.
Olivia Grace came into our world at 14:24.
She is calm and quiet and peaceful.
She has tons of dark hair and a little dimple in her little chin.
Jessica did an amazing job delivering her. She only had to push six times and there was our new baby girl.
Birth is such a blessing, not only to the one being born, but to every member of the family. We all feel reborn, renewed; as if we get to start all over again. It gives us hope.
I love my family!

Happiness or Joy?

I have often thought about the scripture, "Man are, that they might have joy."
Today it is taking on a new meaning; or should I say a greater understanding.
There are many things in life that bring us happiness.
I married Bob because he made me happy. We had fun together, we had a lot of happy days, but as I think back, there was very little 'joy'. I had true joy the day that each of our children were born. Is it fair to say that although I was sometimes happy with Bob the only true joy I felt came from my children?
Joy comes from such a deeper place; from doing what is right and good.
We can find happiness in a lot of different ways...
...winning at a card game
...passing an important test
...getting a new car
but when you really think about it, that is a happiness that eventually wanes.
Those of you that have children...does the joy you felt the day that child came into your world ever wane?
When Christ was born the Angel said, "I bring you tidings of great JOY" That joy far surpasses happiness...
I think that is why I have a love/hate relationship with girls camp...
I can honestly say that the experiences didn't always make me happy, in fact they generally DIDN'T make me happy...
but, they brought me great JOY.
The experiences brought me closer to my Savior, and the experiences brought the girls that I love closer to the Savior...
and that is JOY.
Tiffany and Jessica, remember when we went on Trek? You were both so miserable...
hot, cold, tired, hungry...I was miserable too!
But the lessons I learned changed a part of me.
I experienced JOY.
Joy because of the testimonies that I heard and felt.
Joy because there was an equality amongst the travelers; we were all at our worst, and that is when we relied on our Savior the most.
Joy that we didn't have to live like that everyday; that we got to go home to a hot shower and a soft bed
...and Taco Bell.
What would bring me my greatest joy?
One very simple thing...
Being sealed to each of my children.
Because I chose happiness over Joy none of my children were born in the new and everlasting covenant, and today that makes me sad...the happiness has been replaced with sadness...
Joy can never be replaced, it can only be added upon.
Elder Bruce C. Hafen wrote: "The Lord cannot save us without our own good-faith effort...no matter how much He would give to make us His...He not only would not, He cannot control us against our will."
Satan's plan is just the opposite...he first seeks to control us, and then destroys us.
My prayer is that this week you each seek the things that bring you JOY!

I love you all...

Make it a JOYfull week.